i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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