Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
