It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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