I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Found your dick twin last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
