we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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