You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize