I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
