i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
