Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
