You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
