A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
