hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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