last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You may now shotgun with the bride
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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