Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk is not a location!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
