I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
