I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
