I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize