I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
