He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
