I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
