i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
