I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Where is the hickey?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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