so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
