I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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