I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
