You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
