I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
