if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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