Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize