nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
