how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize