see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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