nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
