no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
