I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
