evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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