I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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