Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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