The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize