hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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