just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm always down for nudity.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
