I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
