it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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