Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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