I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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