Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
