if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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