My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
