Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
