Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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