I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
