We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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