absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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