never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
