she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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