Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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