why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
