Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wakey wakey hands off snakey
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
