I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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