butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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