im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
