I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
