Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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