i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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