i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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