Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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