We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize