DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
