Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
