you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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