dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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