They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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