do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
