My Higher Power is John Stamos
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
