The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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