In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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