I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
