two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
